Cash-strapped student tries to pass off outdated history textbook as "alternative"

HAVEN BOOKS--Following Haven Books' refusal to buy back the twenty-year-old history textbook whose resale proceeds were supposed to be Jerry Pausner's beer fund for the weekend, the U2 Linguistics student is currently accusing the bookstore of refusing to resell his father's high school copy of Modern World History due to its "unpopular" stance that Ronald Reagan is the current President of the United States. According to bookstore sources, Pausner has questioned SSMU's integrity for running a bookstore that would censor textbooks promoting the "alternative" viewpoint that the year is 1987. "This is a liberal university that is supposed to act as an open forum for critical discussion, so why won't our student union buy back a textbook whose authors choose to recognize the Soviet Union as a functioning nation-state?" Pausner loudly demanded at the Haven cash register in a brash demonstration that as of press time was fooling no one.